Unbound Coaching

I love embroidery. I have happily embraced my inner Golden Girl and love to reach for my embroidery bag and get to work on whatever project I have in progress. It was a gift to myself to learn how to embroider a few years ago.

At first, I loved the satisfaction of learning the stitches, of the repetitive motion–up and down, in and out, moving the needle through the fabric. Getting the hang of a stitch and repeating it over and over again until the stitches came together to reflect a texture that looked and felt just right. I carried a hoop in progress in my purse. I embroidered in doctor’s offices, in cars, in restaurants. I was hooked on needles–the good kind.

But a few months ago, it lost its magic.

What had started as a mindful way to calm my mind and focus my thoughts had become another task to complete. How much longer on this hoop? I needed to keep at it until I could get to a good stopping place. Interruptions started to become annoying.

I put the hoops away. Eh, it was good while it lasted.

Recently, I decided it was time to grab my embroidery bag and see what else was left to do. Instead of using a someone else’s pattern, I decided to draw out some shapes and just do whatever felt good in the moment. No agenda. No goal. Just playing.

And I loved it again.

It’s amazing how much a task or behavior changes based on our motivations. And our motivations are wired subconsciously in our minds and our bodies. You may not have known from the outside that my motivations had changed, but I felt it, and it drained me.

We all have internal patterns that motivate us to search out safety and security. As we grow, we’re able to notice and decide how much we need to invest in these patterns. I, for one, have been amazed at the ways I keep noticing my patterns come back, even as the task, relationship, or job itself changes.

Growth doesn’t come by squashing our patterns. It doesn’t come by changing who we are. It definitely doesn’t come from shaming ourselves into changing a behavior. It comes from noticing the way our internal motivations are showing up and stepping out of it so we can see the pattern in action. Over and over, again and again. Growth comes as we’re able to do this with more curiosity and compassion than we previously felt capable of.

When I was pushing myself to get done with a project for the sake of getting it done, the joy wasn’t there. The peace didn’t hit the same. It was one more to-do on the list. My approach to embroidery was also the approach I was stuck in, in my life. Get it done. Push through.

I’ve tried to be intentional about the way I’m approaching my hoop, my thread, and my needle. About the way the fabric feels in my hands. The sound of the needle popping through the fabric and the thread pulling through. Feeling my body in the chair and being fully present in this moment to notice. Letting go of the expectation to produce anything. 

And when it becomes another to-do on my to-do list, I notice it. And I step back. I breathe. And I start again.